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Well maybe not -- but if you listen to the doomsayers, there's a good chance that you'll die of bird flu sometime in the next few years. Comforting isn't it?

The prospect of a global pandemic has become so real that our government has even spent a snotload of money on an awareness and education campaign designed to prepare us for such an event.

Just the other day I, like every other person in the country, received a green (snot coloured?) envelope containing some guidelines and directions designed to increase my chances of survival when the inevitable occurs.

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Included along with the printed sheets of paper was a fridge magnet that contained the absolutely invaluable tips that I should:

• keep clean
• build an emergency supplies kit
• have a plan

Apparently, if you believe those who sell them, fridge magnets are a very visible form of promotion. For example, did you know that over 80% of fridges have magnets on them? A fridge magnet can last for 5-10 years? In most houses, a fridge magnet gets more than 40 "views" per day?

Gosh, you think they could have put something more useful on that snot-coloured one then eh?

But what are you doing to protect yourself from the evil avian H5N1 virus or whatever mutation finally becomes communicable from human to human?

Got your Tamiflu?

If you have then you probably got caught up in the marketing hype. According to a doctor friend, Tamiflu is probably not going to be too effective at fending off the effects of H5N1. Besides which, do you realise that Tamiflu is actually little more than a herbal remedy? Yep, it's made from the fruit (star anise) of a small oriental tree that is already classified as "rare" by some groups.

Here's the good oil on surviving bird flu...

First up, Get a pneumococcal vaccination.

Apparently, a huge percentage of those who die from bird flu actually fall victim to pneumonia, their body's defenses against such infection having been weakened by the flu virus. By vaccinating against this pneumoccocus organism, you greatly improve your chances of survival.

Your friendly GP will gladly administer the necessary vaccination and if you ask, you'll probably find that (being "in the know") he and his staff have already had theirs.

Then stock up on garlic.

The antibacterial and antiviral properties of garlic have been known for decades, although the magnitude and mechanism of such effects are still the subject of debate.

One thing's for sure, it won't hurt, might help, and will at least keep other (possibly infected) people far enough away from you that you'll reduce your risks of catching anything in the first place.

Of course you should also stock up on key food items: pizza, energy drinks (alas poor Jolt Cola, I knew you well), stacks of tissues (or old electioneering pamphlets from last year), a good pile of your favourite DVDs, plenty of firewood (winter's coming) and a fully-charged iPod.

Yes, follow Aardvark's simple advice and you will probably survive the worst that bird-flu can throw at you.

Or are you already prepared? Have you stocked up on food, hand-wash, facemasks, snotties, etc?

Do you have a plan like the fridge magnet suggests?

Exactly what have you really done to prepare for bird flu?

Tell us all and see what others have to say in The Aardvark Forums

If you feel that this is a good thing and/or you hold a "geniune affection" for yours truly -- then you are welcome to gift me some money using the buttons provided. In gifting this money you accept that no goods, service or other consideration is offered, provided, accepted or anticipated in return. Just click on the button to gift whatever you can afford. NOTE: PayPal bills in US dollars so don't accidentally gift more than what you were intending :-)

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