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Well this sucks

The last three weeks have been the worst of my life.

I woke up three weeks ago in rather intense pain.

Being the optimist I am, I responded by taking two paracetamol tablets and just soldiering on.

Within an hour I realised that this was a flawed strategy.

The paracetamol did nothing.

The pain became excrutiating.

I managed to drag myself to the doctor who diagnosed a trapped nerve caused by an acute bout of sciatica.

I was prescribed some Tramadol for the pain and an anti-inflamatory to help ease the cause of that pain.

I went home and lay on the floor -- its hard flat surface the only thing that gave even the slightest relief from the ever-present pain.

This pain was affecting my entire right leg and my right buttock.

After several days laid flat on my back on the living room floor and dosed up to they eyeballs with the opiate-based painkillers that were prescribed (but still in quite a bit of pain), things began to improve.

For a couple of days I thought I was on the mend, but this was not to be.

Suddenly things got worse, a whole lot worse and even the strong painkillers were unable to bring the level of pain below a 9.5 out of 10.

I was feeling nauseous and claustrophobic as a result of this pain. No matter which way I twisted or turned, nothing gave even the slightest amount of relief.

At 9pm my wife decided that I needed to go to the hospital because I was almost out of my head with the agony and had reached the maximum safe dose of painkillers to little effect.

There was no way I could have sat in the car for the short trip to the ER, sitting brought the pain to about 11 out of 10 -- so an ambulance was called.

I *crawled* out the front door and was placed on a gurney then slipped into the back of the ambulance, still feeling nauseous and with sweat dripping off my face.

On arrival at the hospital I was moved into a room and a nurse took my vitals. My BP was 150 over 110 and my pulse was 125 bpm.

When asked if I had taken any pain relief I lied and said "just paracetamol" because I knew they'd be unlikely to give me any really strong analgesics if I was already loaded up with an opiate.

I was given a fast-acting morphine-based painkiller (Sevradol) but the pain continued for another hour or so.

Shortly into the second hour after taking the Sevradol the pain began to abate, my BP and pulse dropped to 125 over 82 and 70bpm respectively.

For the first time in weeks, the pain level dropped below 8 out of 10 and it was bliss.

I was prescribed both fast-acting and sustained release morphine-based painkillers as well as a much stronger anti-inflamatory by the hospital doctor and by 2am I was back home and feeling a whole lot better.

For two days in successsion I took the slow-release morphine capsuals and spent most of my time asleep.

On the third day I decidedto forgoe the morphine to see what the pain level was.

It was still a good 8 out of 10 so I took the fast-acting pills which didn't seem to simply send me to sleep like the others did.

For the following few days I let the morphine wear right off to gauge the true pain level.

Things were improving.

After a few more days the pain was down to about 5 out of 10 so I was able to ditch the nasty opiates completely. I had a great fear that I would risk becoming dependent on these pills so was relieved when this happened. The first day without any morphine was surprisingly rough and I felt like crap but that wasn't because of the pain it was just a feeling of general unwellness. Perhaps this was withdrawal, I don't know but I do know that it wasn't pleasant.

Finally, a few days ago, I was down to just a couple of paracetamol if things got too uncomfortable and I was able to spend short periods walking around without significant pain -- although there was still quite a lot of "discomfort".

Now the bad news.

My right leg is pretty much completely numb.

The calf muscle in that leg is only about 10 percent as strong as it was and should still be.

Clearly I've suffered some significant and possibly permanent nerve damage during this ordeal.

Both the sensory and motor nerves have been effected and that's a hell of a worry to me.

As someone who really enjoys walking and who usually gets in at least 40+ Km a week as a way of remaining fit and managing my Parkinson's symptoms, the prospect of never being able to limp more than a few hundred meters is horrifying to me.

Also, much of the hard work I've done to build a respectable amount of muscle mass has been reversed. I've lost over 4Kg during this ordeal and a significant amount of that is muscle atrophy due to being cast on my back for weeks. If the nerve damage to my leg is permanent then I guess my right calf will continue to waste away because I can't use it.

I feel weak and old. My tremors are quite noticably worse and I feel like shite, even though the pain is now at a bearable level.

As soon as I can get an appointment, I'll be going back to the doctor for a vertict as to the degree of nerve damage and the prognosis as to any chance of recovery.

Fortunately I'm not someone given to feeling sorry for myself so I have already started adjusting my daily routine to accommodate these new limitations. I guess it's just another challenge to be met with some careful analysis, research and the best possible mitigations I can come up with.

They say that what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. They're wrong.

However, your daily dose is back -- although I can't guarantee there won't be a few interuptions because things seem to be fluctuating quite a bit right now. It's two steps forward and one step backwards on most days.

Stay tuned, I'm not dead (yet) :-)

Carpe Diem folks!

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